because I'm cool cool =)

I’ll put the rest up later perhaps.. but this is interesting

Begin a relationship with a person who feels more ‘real’ than your high school sweetheart, whose words sound heavier and more trustworthy, whose touch feels more intentional. Keep your feet on the ground. In an attempt at full disclosure, ensure that he sees you at your absolute worst. Be honest. Approach love consciously, in real time. Do not drift. Do not write poetry. Use words like ‘solid’ instead of ‘dreamy.’ Consider the concept of semi-permanence. Linger, savor, know now that there is no rush. Use your past as a parachute, then discard with metaphors and, for the first time, love someone in concrete terms. Feel like you could maybe spend your life with this person. Mail your parents a 20th anniversary card and realize that you have no idea what that means, no concept of how much ‘spending a life’ costs. Love on a day-to-day basis instead. Build slowly. Learn that this is more than enough.

oh dear.. I said being 19 was going to be awesome right? last year of being a teen!! and I do love that I have this kind of ‘real’ relationship that is completely different, something I’ve never experienced before. I love it and I’m really happy that love has come to me (cliche but whatever) . so I really should avoid all this bad pessimistic thinking etc and stop being so cynical and yeah.e… omg like 2 nights ago? be optimistic and stay happy! I shouldnt hold things against people when I dont care too much. maybe it’s because I feel like I care too much so it’s affecting me.. but if it’s a little =/ meh then it wouldnt bother me too much right? ANYWAY I’m glad I’ve gone on this rollercoaster and well I’m not dreading turning 20 too badly (I’m a late bloomer apparently) but I’m hoping it’ll make mum less crazy paranoid about me.. though I know she means well.. and she sometimes yells at me over the phone when she’s called like 5 billion times… but then later when she comes to pick me up from a friend’s house or something we get along again… maybe I can just find that way to talk to her… but anyway =) almost 20