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Ye Thought I wouldn’t be able to live a single day without you
But it’s different from what I expected, I’m getting along well
You never answer when I cry out I miss you
It’s all in vain to have vain expectations

Do you even see me or did you forget everything
I’m worried, anxious cause I cannot even approach you or talk to you
I stay up the long night alone, I erase it off hundreds of times

Don’t look back and just leave me, and don’t look for me, just live on
I have no regrets cause I loved you, so just take our happy memories
I can stand it somehow, I can bear it somehow
As much as I do this, it’s fading day by day

Even though we bump into each other
Just keep going on your way pretending you didn’t see me
If our old memories pop up maybe
I might go to see you without noticing

Always be happy so my mind never changes
Get along well as if it is for me to see so that I won’t have a single regret

Hope you feel more comfortable after leaving me
Just forget me and live on
The tears will all dry up day by day

It wouldn’t hurt like this if we never met each other
Now keep our promise as a memory

to an extent… realisation

2009
11/15
CATEGORY
rambles
2 comments

.five

something happened tonight, and it wasnt a bad thing. and I’m not talking about the cbf party – which was pretty awesome. nah I’m going to go all metaphorical or whatever to uphold my past ambiguous posts.

what hit me tonight was that I realised it was never as bad as I thought it was. I dont really understand what happened but now I know its not as bad. something I found ironic however was she received closure, however that didnt apply to me. well apparently it seems that didnt work for her, but it might have been appropriate in my situation and everything would be different now. it’s kind of embarrassing when I think about it now. so obvious

things have come and gone, and like we have discussed individuals need these experiences to grow and I’m actually feeling quite pleased about the way things have turned out now. some of it was expected but also slightly shocking. I found it wasnt so bad being able to enjoy these things again this is really weird but I’m getting some strange emily dickinson vibe here – I had been hungry all the years anyone? and things will probably be a bit more different now. for the better. there is always going to be this aching feeling inside, but in time I know it will disappear. Half of it seems to have gone away anyway. It doesnt appear often anymore, but I dont know what to do when I get this feeling. there are things I will always remember – things just too hard to forget. I still dont quite understand because I feel the need to warn others about this sting, but hopefully only I was stung.

Something else weird happened, and I hope this doesnt affect the vision of others. I hate when people assume these things of you. the situation could be completely different yet when these things happen, I just dont feel the need to justify myself just because they are simply assuming. I dont know what happened, what they were doing, or what they may have assumed. I just hope they didnt. leading me back onto warning people. It’s not in my position to say anything. It’s not in anyone’s position because things change. people change, he said it himself, not even her but now it seems I’m her. I’m trying hard now to not be easily persuaded my others because of what happened. individuals should experience and find out these things themselves, because only then does it achieve its purpose.

2009
11/15
CATEGORY
random
1 comment

.four

oh my freaking gosh. my mother is so damn unreasonable. yeah I still feel the need to complain. it really isnt fair. I know she has reasons but they’re really unnecessary & unreasonable!! Whenever I say something in comparison with my brother she gets all defensive or whatever saying I shouldnt bring it up… saying things about how old he is. He’s 21. and I said yeah but that’s because he’s only gotten friends now that’s why he has a lot of places to go and such. she didnt say anything. But has she realised that he only goes out before of his girlfriend? always and mum even knows this saying he wouldnt leave her behind anywhere. Not even when we leave for malaysia, course she has to come. I’m not against it, but really not many people can communicate with her. oh well this isnt the problem. Doesnt she see other people are all going out far out finishing school says nothing about my freedom. She also doesnt understand his gf is only one year older than me. and when they started dating.. it was like this time last year…she would have been mine age because she’s only born 3 days after me. >< whenever I ask/tell my mum these things, if she doesnt like it she'll just ignore it. I just thought of something too… I havent been out for like 2 weeks. When I did go out I went to Anna’s house! == I went formal shopping today, but I went WITH her, that doesnt count. yeah I’m so bloody pissed I cant even be bothered continuing this. There was something else about all these promises broken so really there was no point in the relationship or in valuing it so much, but yeah okay whatever if that was the situation then I should be over it right?

2009
11/10
CATEGORY
life's problems
1 comment

.three

I’m torn between decisions. Work Choices LOL no I’m not talking about the Howard government policy thing… damneco but .. recently, roughly 3 ish hours ago, Target called me and said I was successful with my application! and that the induction is on monday. 5pm – 10pm. But thing is, I have to wear work attire, like the black work pants and black shoes. I have black shoes.. well converses but yeah they’re inappropriate nodoubt and also black pants but they also are inappropriate. Oh well after the induction maybe I’ll be able to go shopping and actually buy my own work stuffs.. but that’s not the problem.

Problem is “do I even want to work at Target?” Sure I’ve thought of reasons why (prepping for the interview) but… after hearing the achievements of Anna working at citybeach! and Tubby working at these other shops, I dont really want to work at Target. Well I’ve never thought about it, my mother made me apply. I would rather work at some coffee house or.. yeah some clothing store. I’m thinking about looking at places now and applying, because I could always tell Target that I got accepted at other places and would prefer to work there. BUT MY BROTHER WORKS AT TARGET! it would make me look bad I think. Not even officially working there yet and thinking of quitting now. its because he knows people there, for at least 2 years and yeah now I’m going to have to be part of that crowd – it’s just weird.

I’ll have a look at places I would prefer to work now and see … because my mum wants me to buy the Target shirt pretty soon ==; another problem is also the fact that I was planning on vacationing to hk! but now they’re put me as christmas casual! how am I meant to leave? Anna tells me not to… unless I quit… which is dodgey because I dont even have a job anywhere yet. and I was hoping to work for at least a month then they might letme leave considering I’ve worked there for a month lol … I was dedicated for that one month! and I needed the cash for hk… >_> so confusing.. its annoying because my bro will be there, and I have to prove myself to get hired after xmas casual, but thing is …I dont even really want to work there! D= …. T_T

2009
11/07
CATEGORY
Uncategorized
Write comment

.two

so my second post decided to fail on me last time I tried to update… but neverfear… wasnt that important anyways and I’ll post up what I do remember of it but it wasnt that relevant. nothingeveris but I’ve finished my HSC today!! last time I’ll wear my school uniform. ever. and also coincidentally…or maybe not, but I got a call from Target for a job interview!! excited but nervous, because I havent really gotten any experience in interviews… so I dont know how to answer things if its about difficulties and whatnot. innovative thinking xD

anyways I’ve decided to abandon lastconfession for now because it is now officially a new start! I’ve finished school, might have a job soon and yeah… I was feeling really optimistic when I finished today during the train ride home. It was weird because for the last two nights I’ve had a lot of things on my mind. From primary school achievements to relationship issues – to an extent

LOL I have nothing to say.. hopefully job interview goes well! but last times post was something about being called stoopid when it wasnt appropriate. I was helping my mum fold the huge bedsheet and I was taking my time to make it nice so I said “Just hang on” and she goes off saying “omg if you cant even do that then you’re stoopid” .. and that just makes no sense at all. It’s like me saying “omg if you cant dance then you’re stoopid”.. there is no linkage!! and then my bro comes home saying some stoopid shit about something and it didnt make sense grammatically. My mum was having trouble understanding but we caught the jist because it kind of made sense. I said “that didnt make sense” and he says “yes it did you guys are just dumb”… omg == what the hell?! dumb… My mum has better chinese than him.. no doubt.. and even I have better chinese than him. what a douche ==

2009
11/02
CATEGORY
random
1 comment

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